retrospective

Early new year,

dinner with K's family.

Eating sushi, drinking wine,

unbeknownst for the last time in a while.

We dream of you, 

yet have not an inkling.

...

 Just for fun, I take a test.

I'm not even sure how they work.

He's wide-eyed when I ask him what he thinks

the faint second line means.

Probably should have mentioned I was taking the test.

Lots of googling ensues, we think yes,

but daren't get too excited.

The doctor confirms!!

4 weeks.

...

 

Fast forward - since this time positively dragged!

At 16 weeks,
starting to feel a little more comfortable and excited.

By now I have a back-catalogue of dreams about blond-haired boys
but we've decided we can wait to find out.

The little nausea I had is gone.

And the grumpy wench who purportedly took up in my skin
has fled, leaving us to our calm and happy bliss. 

In less than a week I will feel your little pulses for the first time.


...

Nearly 21 weeks.

We saw you through the womb and my goodness you are cute!

Tiny hands, fingers, feet and ears,
such an active little babe.
Even Dadda has seen you move now.

Can't wait til you grow some more and show yourself to the world! 


...

By 25 weeks
I work out that my really hard belly
is practice contractions...
already!

Lower back pain has stopped me walking to work
for the remainder it seems
but the physio steers me right.

You've been listening to Mozart, Saint-Saens, the Middle East
and my bathroom rendition of Frank Mills by the Lemonheads, 
the only non-cheesy song I know that sounds like a lullaby.

Big-time exciting news, your Dadda got a job on Moreton Island!
You'll grow up with dolphins, turtles, dugong and whales,
our little beach babe.

Everything we dreamed
seems to be falling in place.

...

Hello baby! 
(That grin? Your Dadda just spoke your maybe-name!)

By 26 weeks life is busier than ever,
especially now K is on the Island.

You are growing daily
and are a constant reminder of things more important
than the work which preoccupies me.

You love to sit in the sun
and by the way you bounce around at dinner
I can tell you're going to love your food!


...

28 weeks... 7 months!

Boy or girl? You've got us stumped.
Your legs were crossed when we saw you at 20 weeks,
so a workmate says you must be a girl, all practicalities observed.

Another had an out-of-the-blue premonition, and says boy.

Either way, I fail to get my head around
the reality of you,
connect you with the empty little clothes we've got you.

Though it finally hits me that we'll be moving house
- across the water, no less -
with a brand new babe.

OMG.


...
  

30 weeks

About a week ago I think you turned head down,
your quick little hiccups now feel really low.

Your movements have changed - lots of rolling, wavelike movements
as limbs push against diminishing space.
Your Dad likes to tickle you and watch you squirm.

Materially, we are not ready for you,
nesting thwarted
as we wait for news of a lease on the Island.

Yoga is all the preparation I need.
And the wisdom of generations
before birthing left the home.

Not long now til I finish work and can concentrate
on our journey together to welcome you into the world.


...


tbc

momentum

It's a slippery sucker... and I've been watching it slip right through my fingertips. 

I've lost a bit of momentum in places. Am now trying to start walking again after a sedentary spell. I got a nasty bug a little while back and didn't walk to/from work for about two weeks. And it has rained, leading to even less walking. Then I had 11 continuous days off work (woohoo!) which translated into very little walking - or actually quite a lot of walking but all squished into one day when we circumnavigated Coochiemudlo Island on foot. 

Anyway, I hate not walking every day. I get stiff and sore and stodgy without it. But once you've stopped a routine, it's very hard to pick up again. But I'm getting there.

The other thing that's been bugging me a lot is my complete lack of writing. I do plenty at work, mostly a complete borefest. But the less writing I do for me, the harder it is to do any at all. And I mean, really hard. It's taken me a good ten days to finish writing this featherlight post. 

I'm not really sure why it's been hard, or getting harder. Maybe there's too much other stuff occupying productive brainspace - a combination of seemingly endless administrivia, and endlessly fascinating pregnancy/birth/baby stuff (and there is SO much to absorb). 

Anyway, I'm hoping that acknowledging these ruts will help me haul myself out of them.

And not to dwell on the losses. While I'm losing momentum in places, other things are gathering pace. The bunyip has been making itself felt for the past three and a half weeks. I was centre stage in a meeting the other day and the little monkey started dancing its heart out! My hand shot to my belly to soothe the robust little pokes. Unbelievable that a tiny 20-week old human can squirm so much! A momentum all of its own... and another post of its own - hello inspiration!

a campfire kiss

I love this photo. I love it to bits. K took it. We're at Woody Head, Bundjalung National Park, just starting out on our first camping holiday last winter. It might've even been his birthday. We spent the day trekking across windy beaches and headlands to Iluka, where we had a late pub lunch in the sun. And headed back to a campfire where we ate a simple meal, and goosed around with a couple of torches and some time lapse photography. 


Time disappears. And you weave through ups and downs. And try to bottle happiness. Or at least catch it on film. Thank goodness he did.


Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and difficult as that. Leunig

the bunyip

Though we've become expert keepers of the secret, it's bloody hard when everyone is having babies.

Yep, we are growing ourselves a little bunyip!! I am nearly 15 weeks!

It's been hard to believe it's real, considering my general wellness. Though the exhaustion, ravenous hunger, sore boobs, canine sense of smell and cravings for orange juice (and a nausea-induced pie and chips binge) are giveaways. Oh and the small bump which I can now tell is not just gas and bloating. Which has swallowed my waist and half my wardrobe along with it.

It all became a bit more real at the 12 week scan. According to the scan lady, our bunyip's a 'sleeper'... it had its head buried in the placenta and would not budge, despite her furious prodding. Not even after the doctor was called in and made me do star jumps in an untied gown! It dug it's heels in (like someone I know) and showed the camera its little bum (that one's from the father's side - not kidding).

According to the genetic counsellor at the scan place (Betsy Peach - how cool is that name? - perfect for a fast-talker with a thick Yankee accent), I have the lowest risk rating possible for chromosomal abnormalities. According to Betsy's computer's calculations, my risk rating (slightly elevated to start with because of my age) based on the scan and blood test is on par with that of a 15 year old! Woot!!

Am also feeling pretty chuffed that I've kept up walking to and from work every day: an hour all up, and getting longer (in duration not distance!). Though the walks home are becoming harder, mostly because of the hills and because I'm totally exhausto at end of day. Lucky for me, K walks in to meet me and pushes me up the hills while administering back rubs. :)

I got a second sneaky look at the bunyip yesterday at an echocardiography appointment (for a 'flow murmur' which is apparently a harmless and pretty common thing in pregnancy) - and it was waving its arms and legs and rolling all around! So maybe not a sleeper.

Well, this'll test if anyone's still reading this thing!

#madeinvictoria #janfebmarchaprilmayjunejulyaugseptfast

fillings and gaps

Poor neglected blog. Thank goodness for Firefox's password memory thingie, as I doubt my own would have got me any editorial privilege here. If you've stumbled here from somewhere else, you might like to keep stumbling to my other blog where my online energies go (as opposed to this one where they clearly don't).

I guess a small bit of updating is in order. *Applies time-lapse technique.* So. December, we visited Uluru. Pictorial evidence here. Christmas, Binginwarri, shamefully scant pictorial evidence here. (Oh and finally upgraded my Flickr account - way less commitment than setting up a new photo blog... refer first point.) Stayed dry through the floods and gagged on my overuse of the word 'surreal'. Baked a little, and found myself inadvertently on a small bandwagon. Got totally addicted to Twitter, various blogs and my mate R's little bub (not in any particular order of course). Went swagging in the rain at Brunswick Heads. Despaired the lack of sunshine. Saw Sufjan Stevens, most awesome Christmas present ever. Whistlestop visit to Melbourne to see Mum in hospital. Started yoga classes after the longest absence. Discovered a genius recipe for steamed chicken.

On the work front, I moved back to the old policy job, after the person who's seat I warmed for a year in manager-land returned. The old-new job has proved thusfar better than expected. Enjoying being back in the policy head space, and actually doing something quite different to what I'd previously done (win). In other work news, the Uluru job didn't eventuate :( ... which is not to say it mightn't yet. We're staying put in Brisvegas for now and K is continuing to build the web empire. Anyone need a WordPress site built or hosted?

There was probably some other stuff in there too. Oh yeah, I finally twisted someone's arm to play Scrabble with me!

Well, there is some other news, but that deserves its own post. ;)

hell or high water

Inner Brisbane, January 29, 1974. Bruce Postle/The Age

I wasn't quite sure how to start this post. It's been a while and I'm out of rhythm here. But today feels quite surreal. So I'll go with that. 

Went to work this morning after having yesterday off - sick all weekend with throat lurgie that migrated to chest. Anyway. Woke up nauseous but optimistic so K (now in lurgie-dom too) dropped me in. We'd been shocked last night to see images of the devastation in Toowoomba. Early reports were saying the floodwaters were headed for Brisbane and these would coincide with a king tide. It wasn't talked up, but K had picked up some stuff from the stupid-market and fuelled the car. At work I was whisked into a meeting straight off the bat. But after that, everything seemed to grind to a halt. It was all flood talk, people checking the news, calling family, wondering whether to leave. News reports were now saying the flooding would rival that of the mythical 1974 floods.

A colleague walked by my desk and recalled a photograph from the '74 floods of someone diving into the water from an awning at the old Festival Hall, where high rise apartments now stand in its place. 'Festival Towers' are just round the corner from my work. 

Albert Street, CBD, January 1974.
Copyright State Library of Queensland, author unknown

Our executive director came round several times telling people to leave if they needed to. I encouraged my team to leave and made sure everyone was OK to get home. Just after lunch, I left, worried that if I stayed it might be difficult to get home, which is across the river. I'd already seen photos on the ABC news site of the river encroaching on Davies Park at West End, just down the road from us. 

I was one of the last to go. It was eerie outside, the middle of the day but like peak hour with everyone heading home. Traffic was banked up. People were running. Rain fell from low grey skies - as it has for several weeks months. I wondered whether I'd get home my usual way, across the Goodwill pedestrian bridge. I always walk, even in the rain. (My pack-cover and wet shoes have become normal.) Anyway, the busway on the southside had closed at 12pm. K came to meet me, as he usually does. We walked along the river in the Botanical gardens. There's a looped boardwalk out through the mangroves there we often take on the way home. It was underwater. Surreal.

The Goodwill bridge was fine and gave us a birdseye view of the now very high and fast-flowing river. Full of debris. Gangways to floating CityCat pontoons were angled upward to meet the river, instead of their usual downwards tilt. The pontoons were at the very top of the pylons. We wondered what would happen to the pontoons as the river continued to rise beyond the pylons. I've since heard people say they've seen pontoons unloosed and flowing down the river.

At home we hovered over our computers, where K was streaming some tap to a police scanner. I thought Twitter might explode and cursed people jamming up the qldfloods hashtag. Tweets were running so fast as to be an illegible blur on TweetDeck. Anna Bligh held her first press conference at 3pm. I fell in hero-love. She was calm, in control and sympathetic. Clearly teary, even. Twitter subsequently went mad again in praise of Premier.

Tonight we helped K's brother's girlfriend and her sister move their furniture and stuff to the top floor of their townhouse. They (and their poor little spooked kitty) are staying at K's brother's place which is probably one of the highest points in Brisbane. Leaving their place it was odd to see people still sitting inside neighbouring townhouses watching TV. Everyone in their street had been warned to move cars etc to higher ground! People are strange.

So tonight we are fine but feel kind of useless. I heard that 75 percent of Queensland is underwater. Our place is safe and will continue to be so - high on the hill. Everything is damp as it has been for days and we have garbage bags over a window that doesn't shut properly. But we have water in jerry cans and non-perishable food. And internet connections, for now.

I have no idea whether I'll be able to get to work tomorrow. I suspect it's not such a good idea.

All is eerily quiet. For now.

greener pastures

It's been so long that I've gone beyond filling in the gaps. So I'll just start with now. Now, we are preparing to visit Uluru. This time next week, we'll be out there for a mini-break. Well, the break is for me. K has an interview for a ranger job. For a range of reasons it makes sense. If When he gets it, he'll move out there, working a ten days on-four days off roster. I'll stay here for the time being, til we see how things pan out. We'll see each other once a fortnight. It will be hard. But good, in many ways. I'm excited by the prospect of getting to discover the place. I have not been there since my first visit as a sixteen (?) year old. And excited to be moving forward with life-plans. K, I think, will enjoy the return to a social workspace, after months of web design from the spare room studio. And it will put us in a position to do something about our renewed case of Tassie Mania.

Indeed, it seems the stars are screaming change. At least two group-lings we know are moving to Melbourne town. (And hey, if they must move, what better place?) Mum is finally getting some traction with the medical world, after a fruitless year. For me, the current work gig is coming to an end, and I can't help but embrace the change. I'll be back to my policy post. And if all goes well in the desert, moving out there.

Anyway, that's probably all I've got for now... we are off on this very wet, blustery eve to hear Joel Salatin talk. Which I just know is going to make the Tassie Mania bug latch on.