17 November 2008

carrots on toast

On a good day I have trouble deciding what to put on my toast. But today, when I really could have used it, my well-thumbed handle on indecision deserted me.

I was presented with the kind of challenge I knew would eventuate when I rejoined the salaried life… though didn't quite expect so soon. My manager asked if I wanted to relieve in her role for a couple of months. I’ve done this job many times. It really doesn’t have that much to recommend it. Other than more money.

And ... I ... bit ... the ... carrot.

It was the kind of moment when the world slows down and you feel yourself saying something you can’t quite comprehend you're saying, but can't quite stop yourself from saying either.

Like yes.

And that was BEFORE I found out the position has been regraded up a level during my absence. I will shimmy up two pay brackets. Quite phenomenal if you could see my last tax return.

Three weeks ago I was crafting my resignation letter. I had a valid health care card, confidence wobbles and a dream. I am supposed to be finding a way out of communications. Not burrowing further into it.

Maybe it was all that leftover electricity in the air.

I feel dirty. I feel compromised. I am going to hate myself in the morning. Every morning. For at least the next two and a half months. I’ve just discovered my price.


Kayepea said...

You'll probably feel a little better on pay-day each week...if you remind yourself, with all stern-ness, WHY you are doing it. All of us 'relics' had to work many, many, menial years to get what you look like getting (or coming mighty close to)in a much smaller period of time. Frustrating? Yes. But you can put up with that for just a year.

the cook said...

Yeah I know, bourgeois suffering. I am lucky to have options. And relics that brought me up to know how to think/spell and thereby afford (or at least get close to) the land dream. I HOPE it will only be a year... 50 weeks and counting! xox

the cook said...

Kayepea, hehehe! (red wine delay...)

Jodie said...

I was wondering what kay had Pea listed after her name. Just go it. Bit slow.


Jodie said...

What on earth was my last post actually trying to say? Must have been on another plant.., sorry planet.

the cook said...

You've been hanging out with your bro then, if you're on another plant! Or mine! No matter, I got what you were saying...