08 October 2008

the next part

Freedom. So elusive. Perhaps fortuitously so. Its attainment forces a very personal issue. How to use it? Given every liberty, what should we do? How to start tomorrow? These thoughts taunt me right now. For tomorrow I must answer them.

The Hope Vale project has finished. There’s loads of cool stuff that I could relate (eating turtle, kayaking from North Direction to Lizard Island, the impossible cuteness of a wordy two-year-old, meeting people living the cruising life, all the cool places I've seen/been, etc). But I’m sort of consumed at this late~early hour by crisis-of-purpose thoughts. After an exhausting but happy month, that now familiar blank canvas stretches out before me. Uncontracted infinitum. I know myself better than ever. But there is the interminable tension between wants and needs, habit and change. Between possible paths, divergent values. And of course, between two (geographic) states.

There is no rational reason that I should be so nervy about not knowing what I’m doing beyond next week, and where I’ll be doing it. So why is it doing my head in? Exhaustion? The perpetuity of uncertainty? I wish someone would bloody hire me to do something fantastically cool for the next few months and I could just put these stupid thoughts to bed. For now.

Since I'm asking, a sleep-in without a wordy two-year old who awakes at sparrow fart would also be grand. Please. Thank you. And now, me to bed...


Looking forward to:

Spending overdue time with friends in Brisvegas (and having the next 10 days sort of planned)
Officially resigning from my cushy permanent gig for the still wide unknown
Clean hair, clean fingernails, clean clothes, clean bed, etc.
Retaining inspiration aka a sense of infinite possibility


beth said...

I like that the 'perpetuity of uncertainty'! And you have filled me with fear about early rising wordy two year olds. We have the early rising already - the wordiness will no doubt appear.
At least an official resignation will cast something in stone! After that you might feel a little bit different. Maybe? There is a trimaran here in need of a sail!

the cook said...

Excuse my rant. There are worse things than uncertainty ... like if things didn't change at all - now that would be scary! And verbally gifted toddlers are good fun too, since there is no limit to what you can teach them to say. As for the trimaran... always willing to help friends in need ;) I am Vic-bound next week and will be in touch!

Anonymous said...

It's the "Uncontracted infinitum" that I enjoy. Makes me grin for lots of reasons. xoxo N

the cook said...

Thanks... ah but from where I sit, contracted certainty has its advantages too... :) x

the cook said...

Thanks... ah but from where I sit, contracted certainty has its advantages too... :) x