52/52

Ellery: ethereal

Aubrey: doe-eyed deliciousness

Fifty two! A few missed portraits along the way, but a record of their year nonetheless.

Thanks to Keiran for the photo of Ellery ... a timeless shot and one I know he won't use. 

I have found it increasingly difficult to drag out my camera this year ... lately because K is often using it. I think the solution for me right now is a more compact camera. Our finances however dictate that this will remain on the wishlist for a while.

51/52

Ellery: music and books ... we must be doing something right

Aubrey: little storm lily elf

These shots, though far from perfect, make me immeasurably happy.

Because, really. One kid at the piano, head in a pile of books? The other ankle-deep in storm lilies? 

Childhood perfection.

50/52

Ellery: revelling in the Christmas lights near Nana's place

Aubrey: my packing assistant

The big fellow: Last year you melted when Santa crossed your path and offered you a toy. This year, after pondering the idea for a while, you approached the big guy for a lolly bag.

The littlest fellow: two teeth, arm-flapping dance moves, music lover, pointing, clapping, standing, the backwards caterpillar shuffle, snuggles forever.

Note to self: use camera. These phone shots are just woeful ... but still, a record for this time-poor mama.

49/52

Ellery: waking up (with a smile!) despite being sick

Aubrey: post-bath sleepyhead

The one where I mention just how grumpy this kid can be upon waking. Not enough of this gorgeous smile in my life. And look at that face! He is really becoming his Dad.

The littlest feller is pudging up. Must be all that yummy food!

48/52

Ellery: head in a book

Aubrey: head in the clouds

My wild child is seizing moments of stillness amidst piles of books. It makes me ridiculously happy.

And my little charmer is finding his swagger, gaining momentum to get moving. He's a late starter, just like his brother. It's just a matter of confidence. And days, I suspect.

47/52

Ellery: lots of couch time for this sick poppet

Aubrey: twilight watching

Confession. The photo of Ellery was from a week later. I have a handful of photos of him from this week, all unflattering shots in the nude. In my pre-kid daydreams of life with kids, I imagined little garden sprites running naked. Now my daydreams involve him clothed! It would certainly make the rare feat of getting a portrait-worthy photo that much easier.

portraits circa september :: october 2014

46/52

Ellery: cornflake picking, with bed hair

Aubrey: sleeps without a swaddle

The week in which I endeavour to redeem myself.

Relying on phone photos again because life, work, two smalls. And a certain person has taken to using my camera.

Other notables: a mini heatwave, a visiting photographer to our island abode, and lots of gross motor stuff happening with the smallest. 

43/52

Ellery: happy in the morning light

Aubrey: catching shadows

Life has gotten very busy. I've returned to work, part-time, from home. The smallest is cutting his first tooth and, well, just needs me. This cloth nappying, wholefood making, mothering two kids AND wrangling the desk thing is stretching me to the max.

I've barely picked up my real camera.

Deep breaths. I'm sure it will get easier.

three

You can show me how old you are on your fingers. You know both your addresses. And you've just learned to blow bubbles (though the candles on your cake were blown, with a sigh, 'ffffff'). 

You are complicated. Playful, articulate and loving. Highly sensitive. With a big personality.

You have an ocean of feelings within. Moody like a teenager, cantankerous like an old man, tender like the kind-hearted soul you are.

Since the heady days of two-and-a-half, you have been testing us to the edges of our sanity with your moods and tantrums.

Now you're testing your physical skills in every way possible too. You have little time for crafting these days, but when you do make something, you thrill in pulling it apart.

You love looking after your little friends, your arm often around a shoulder, guiding. Loathe to bathe yourself, you dabbed a serviette about Miss-Not-Quite-Two's chocolate cake smeared mouth at your party. Yes, you're quite partial to little girl friends.

Make believe games are where it's at. You like to play shop-keeper while I change your brother's nappy. Or, 'Mum, pretend you're a whale'.

You love bacon and chips and popcorn, but not the 'bones'.

Sometimes I look at you and wonder how you got to be so clever. You come out with things I have no idea how you acquired. You use words like 'plateau' correctly. Sometimes you call me 'darling'. And the question 'How did you make me?' is on high repeat, with much probing about just exactly how.

For all the ways you spin my heart entirely off its axis, I'm forever thankful.

37/52

 Ellery: the journey is the destination

Aubrey: avocado

A trip to the museum to see an exhibition about our island home. A ride up in a very old lift to the top of the country's oldest clocktower. And his favourite part of the day was the train ride. 

---

I left the room to retrieve my phone. When I returned, he was still telling me all about his first taste of avocado.

36/52

Ellery: figuring out the world

Aubrey: floral sheets and vintage playsuits

A mini city break. Pizza and playgrounds. Sushi, swimming and shopping. Family and friends. A very sad baby this week with teething hitting the heights. And that's about the extent of my recall as I play catch up again. 

six months

The weeks are ticking by at warp speed. So much faster the second time around. I realised that I can barely remember your brother at six months, though on inspection, he had no hair!

My chilled little fellow, you've found your voice! You're all squeals and giggles and fake laughs, though somehow you still manage to be the quieter one.

Enthralled with and overwhelmed by your brother, who smooshes all over you with love. He's the one who makes you giggle the most.

You can wiggle around on the ground, and although you have rolled, you'd rather just get around by wiggling.

Teething is making you quite miserable and in constant need of cuddles.

In fact, up until teething stole our sleep, you slept better than I'd imagined possible. Always open to the suggestion of sleep, and once down for the night, just slept, waking once, twice, perhaps three times to feed.

Your happy place is in my or Daddy's arms.

You've got sand between your toes and are usually lulled to sleep when we walk on the shore in the late afternoon.

You ate your first food, egg yolk. No great excitement, just like you'd been eating forever. Though after a couple of tries, it is suddenly making you quite ill, so we'll stick to fruit and veg for now.

And, I am amazed thrilled flabbergasted to say, you are exclusively breastfed, despite a little supplementation earlier on. After about three months, we've had no need to supplement! You are letting me know that I’m meeting all your needs for milk. I've ditched the SNS. And being on the 50^th percentile for weight is just absolutely amazing. This one thing is a miracle, a blessing and a relief.

Oh my happy, giggly, double-dimpled boy (two on each cheek!). You have filled our hearts to bursting, Aubrey Finn.

35/52

Ellery: a tangled mess

Aubrey: sand between the toes

Barely getting any shots of the big boy these days. His 'stop' sign says it all.

I'm also very rarely using my proper camera, resorting to the phone which is always there, and a little less conspicuous.

34/52

Ellery: dinner at the beach in Nana's beanie

Aubrey: teething bites

The big boy is blossoming into three. 

The small boy has lost his usual sleeping prowess, and suddenly I am back in the oh-so familiar land of stuck-under-a-sleeping-baby-send-coffee. Teething bites the big one.

Also, we have a six-month-old! How did that happen?

33/52

Ellery: playing doctors

Aubrey: window gazing ... from the highchair!

The Grands are visiting.

The big boy scored a doctor's kit as a belated birthday present. He's besotted with the phone it came with. I'm in love with the glasses.

The small one has graduated to the high chair, just shy of six months. When did he get so big?!

32/52

Ellery: riding in the birthday bus

Aubrey: mesmerised by a hand

The week their Daddy turned 40.

We scored a small four-wheel drive bus to ferry visitors between our Cape home and the beach.

There was food, lots of it. Family and friends, a few. Campfires, kids and beaching.

A fine time was had, despite the rain.

31/52

Ellery: basking in the glow of three

Aubrey: the face of tolerance

Another week where the phone captures won out. Sometimes they just seem more effortless, more in the moment.

And at the moment, it really doesn't matter, as long as i am capturing these moments.

30/52

Ellery: French toast and home made birthday hat

Aubrey: soon enough he will be begging to sit here

French toast and popcorn and chocolate cake. The people he loves and a couple of neighbours' kids. Heaven to this newly three year old. 

Separate post coming about the birthday boy!

29/52

Ellery: craving friends at his lighthouse outpost

Aubrey: the teething sads

My photography is giving way to a knitting frenzy. 

Between phone and camera, I love how this week's shots have them both with heavy hearts, heads down, and wearing  yellow.

Brothers indeed.

28/52

Ellery: engrossed, and refusing to take off the new art smock, a gift from his cousins

Aubrey: a twinkle in his eye, and out comes his brother's old Sophie

Oh dear. Redeeming myself after falling off the portrait wagon.

Nana came to stay last week. Whatever she did to the big boy, it's working. The tantrums have been quite manageable this week. He is such a beautiful kid when he is not so moody. And so grown up all of a sudden. Two more weeks of two.

The small boy has the teething sads. Bigtime. Poor fellow. So unusual for this happy lad. Just shy of five months. Ever since he was born, I've been daydreaming and wondering, wondering and daydreaming about another baby. It's very unlikely, although he is the kid that could convince me. I am so torn about him being the last.

these days

It has been almost a month since I've been at home on my own during the days with these gorgeous boys.* It is difficult because it is motherhood (duh), but is is also difficult because there is no cafe, no library, no playground, no pavement to pound, no neighbours' kids, no mid-week one-hour yoga escape, simply no one else around, except K when he gets home from work.

It has been a month of trying to find my groove. Of trying to rise above the 'haven'ts' (see above) and create a reality for us that is fun and memorable and celebrates our amazing location. Of realising that these are the days! And they are fleeting! It will take more than a month, all of this, of course. Some of it is a daily practice.

The best thing about this new world order has been reconnecting with the big boy. There has been much change for him in the past year, and it shows. There are shining moments where he is pure delight - kind, curious, helpful, funny, loving, playful. But much of the time, he has been moody and cantankerous, master of the epic meltdown. And he saves his very worst for me. So, after a tumultuous first week on our own together, I feel like we are re-establishing our little union. And it has been so lovely, and such a relief, to feel the love again with him. This portrait was his idea: he loves pressing the timer button on our cameras!

And the small boy, well, he just fits in. He needs to be fed often when he is awake, but is the most chilled out little being, who just laughs and gurgles and sleeps. And he sleeps! All the exclamation points in the world cannot emphasise this point enough. I would never have thought it possible after Ellery. I waited two plus years to get some me-time back in my evenings. And after just two months with the little feller, I have my evenings back again. Incredulous!! And well-earned, if I may say so.

Despite my hesitations about daytime flying solo, I'm actually enjoying it. Beyond the bonding stuff, I am quite liking the challenge of trying to get stuff done (and am now known around these parts as Wonder Woman), and reinvigorating our space and our routines.

I am writing this in the early heady days. It may be a different story by October when I'm due back at work. But it's surpassed my expectations. And fluffed out my heart a bit. I call that a win.

*We had an au pair until recently (necessary for my work from our island outpost), who stayed on for the first couple of months after our littlest feller was born.