22 June 2014

these days

It has been almost a month since I've been at home on my own during the days with these gorgeous boys.* It is difficult because it is motherhood (duh), but is is also difficult because there is no cafe, no library, no playground, no pavement to pound, no neighbours' kids, no mid-week one-hour yoga escape, simply no one else around, except K when he gets home from work.

It has been a month of trying to find my groove. Of trying to rise above the 'haven'ts' (see above) and create a reality for us that is fun and memorable and celebrates our amazing location. Of realising that these are the days! And they are fleeting! It will take more than a month, all of this, of course. Some of it is a daily practice.

The best thing about this new world order has been reconnecting with the big boy. There has been much change for him in the past year, and it shows. There are shining moments where he is pure delight - kind, curious, helpful, funny, loving, playful. But much of the time, he has been moody and cantankerous, master of the epic meltdown. And he saves his very worst for me. So, after a tumultuous first week on our own together, I feel like we are re-establishing our little union. And it has been so lovely, and such a relief, to feel the love again with him. This portrait was his idea: he loves pressing the timer button on our cameras!

And the small boy, well, he just fits in. He needs to be fed often when he is awake, but is the most chilled out little being, who just laughs and gurgles and sleeps. And he sleeps! All the exclamation points in the world cannot emphasise this point enough. I would never have thought it possible after Ellery. I waited two plus years to get some me-time back in my evenings. And after just two months with the little feller, I have my evenings back again. Incredulous!! And well-earned, if I may say so.

Despite my hesitations about daytime flying solo, I'm actually enjoying it. Beyond the bonding stuff, I am quite liking the challenge of trying to get stuff done (and am now known around these parts as Wonder Woman), and reinvigorating our space and our routines.

I am writing this in the early heady days. It may be a different story by October when I'm due back at work. But it's surpassed my expectations. And fluffed out my heart a bit. I call that a win.

*We had an au pair until recently (necessary for my work from our island outpost), who stayed on for the first couple of months after our littlest feller was born.


Female Relic said...

The havent's needed re-iterating I think as most would not know you don't have these things that everyone takes for granted! One more for the list is the lack of friends/adult company to chat to.
Despite all that, you do a marvellous job with your boys...OUR boys! :)
Glad to hear you've been getting on with Ellery better, and keep in mind that children ALWAYS reserve the worst for their mums. BUT they don't really mean it so don't take it personally. And better you than everyone else 'cos a mum always understands and forgives. I am relieved to hear you are getting night me-time and A is such a delight to you. We all tend to forget the trials you had with E and the prem & colicky things. Congratulations Wonder Woman (remember when she was your childhood hero?) <3

Mietta said...

This is so nice to read after a trying day with my own little one (attempting to whip the cat with a stick, biffing me in the face, pulling my hair, and countless meltdown's of epic varieties). It's also super nice to hear that two is manageable!!! We've got bub no.2 due in early Dec, and it's been in the back of my mind as to how it's all going to go down... mostly because we don't really do cafe's or any of the other various distractions etc... mainly the beach, and the backyard ;) Anyway, it's nice to read some real life normality, Sam - and you three look gorgeous :) xx

little earth stories said...

Female Relic - ah yes, the most obvious omission! I thought of this as soon as I hit publish! And thank you!! It is so nice to be told that :-) Haha, I'd forgotten about my girl crush on Wonder Woman!!

little earth stories said...

Mietta - that is such wonderful news! Congratulations!! What a lucky bub to be joining your family! I hope you've been feeling well. Oh I so hear you with the hitting and defiance, it is full scale at our house more days than not, and we have had a couple of purely awful moments. I guess we can console ourselves that it's all developmentally normal, and that there is always tomorrow to look forward to on those days! xx

Anonymous said...

What a gorgeous and inspirational blog you have. The photographs are stunning. Being at home alone with two little ones is not always easy, but you know - sometimes it's the best thing ever. Ah, the unpredictability of babies. I've got twins. 8 months old. Yikes. Nice to meet you!